Five Stages Of Grief
by Shadow-Bby15
Summary: Lapis Lazuli was gone. Peridot can only lay in the tub, her mind numb, her memories shattered. Peridot never thought it would come to this, that being her best friend, Lapis Lazuli, left her behind and took the barn, her meep morps, everything they had together with her. But, it happened. And the small green gem didn't know how to react or how to think.
1. Denial

**((warning, this fic contains spoilers for the episode Raising The Barn and beyond, so go watch the episodes after Raising the Barn, before reading this so you can get a better understanding of whats happening!))**

* * *

Peridot laid there. Numb. Her mind was filled with questions, mindless questions that serve no purpose in answering. The truth hung above her like a raincloud that didn't go away. She had to accept the truth as it was, no matter how hard she wanted not to.

Lapis was gone.

She wasn't coming back.

She blinked tiredly and glanced up at the bathroom door, hoping, praying that Lapis would come in. Hoping that all of this was just a nightmare and that she'll wake up eventually. But, she never came and Peridot could only stare ahead, clinging onto the false hope that she was in fact coming.

Maybe she was? Maybe she came back while Peridot was asleep, dropped the barn off and went off to find her? Maybe she was on her way here right now and tell her how sorry she was and that she will never do such a thing like that ever again. She hoped, nearly prayed that her best friend wasn't gone. Peridot bit her lip and turned away from the door in defeat.

She wasn't coming back. No matter how hard Peridot tried to wake up from this nightmare, Lapis Lazuli was gone.

Peridot wondered. How far away was she? Was she at Homeworld? Was she in the outer reaches of space? Was she telling Homeworld about her and the gems? About Steven..? Was she a traitor? She shook her head.

 _No..._

 _She wouldn't do that!_

 _Would she...?_

 _Is Yellow Diamond coming for me...?_

 _Will I be shattered?_

Dull questions. No answers, well, maybe..? Her head hurt. Peridot couldn't think straight. All she thought of was the fact her home was gone, that Lapis just took everything and left. Her meep-morps, her alien, her first bubbled gem... All of it was gone. It was like everything she ever worked crashed down on her. And she didn't want to get up. Lapis couldn't be gone. Yet, she was. Even in this bathroom, it gave her pain. She remembered showing Lapis how the toilet worked here, showing her around the beach house, teaching her about the technologies of Earth... So many memories now shattered. It hurt her. It hurt her more then words can say.

She heard a sad bark and Pumpkin poked her head up, staring at Peridot in worry. Peridot only glanced at her, her eyes hollow.

"Hey Pumpkin..."

Pumpkin jumped in the bathtub and whined softly.

"Lapis is gone now, Pumpkin... She's never coming back." Peridot forced out, her throat feeling dry.

 _She can't be gone._

 _This is all just a nightmare._

 _She is actually here on Earth, looking for me._

 _She didn't leave._

Pumpkin only whined again and snuggled up next to Peridot's side. Peridot gently patted her friend, the only friend she has in this world now.

"Don't worry... Lapis will be back." She said.

Pumpkin glanced at her, her eyes wide with anticipation.

"She'll be back..."


	2. Anger

Peridot paced around the bathroom, her teeth grinding together. Pumpkin watched her, slight fear in her eyes.

"How can she do this?! She can't do that, just get up and leave like that?!" Peridot exclaimed. "It's... It's... Stupid!"

She growled and paced around in a circle again. She didn't understand. How can Lapis just leave her and Pumpkin like this?! She just took the barn and just left! The least she could do would to say goodbye or something?! She could have gave her a meep-morp, a hug, or... anything?!

"I don't get it?! How could she just leave?!"

Pumpkin whined softly, sitting on the toilet seat cover and watching her owner pace around in frustration. She's never seen her in such a state like this and didn't know what to think of it. She was already confused enough about the blue one being gone but..? Pumpkin didn't understand.

Peridot's head hurt. It felt stuffed. It felt like it was about to explode at any moment. She glanced around the room, wanting something to take her anger out on something. Anything. She wanted this terrible feeling to go away. Her head pumping, she snatched something quickly off the sink, her mind going off like a set of fireworks. Pumpkin yipped in surprise at the sudden movement.

"She thinks she could just leave?! Well, she's never coming back! Not now, not EVER!" She cried and threw the object she had in her hand against the wall. There was a loud cracking sound and the instrument fell to the floor, now snapped in two. Pumpkin yelped and leapt off the toilet, running to the door and squeezing her way out. Peridot then stopped, realizing what she broke.

It was Steven's toothbrush.

She stared at it for a moment, taking in how broken the instrument looked. How broken she was. Her vision suddenly became disoriented as tears welled up her eyes. With a small cry, Peridot curled into a ball, tears beginning to stream down her face.

* * *

Steven blinked in surprise as he heard a sudden sound of something breaking and Pumpkin yelping as she ran over to him. He glanced up at his phone, taking his focus away from Connie and watched as Pumpkin hobbled up the small stairs, looking completely scared.

"Pumpkin? What's wrong?" Steven asked, sliding to the side of the bed and catching her.

Pumpkin only whimpered, snuggling into Steven. She trembled a little in his arms. Steven looked at her, now worried if she got hurt. He checked her, checking for any scratches. any bruises of the sort then side with relief when he found none. But then, he heard the soft crying of Peridot and glanced towards the sound. He sighed.

Ever since Lapis left, Peridot has been completely torn. She never comes out of the bathroom to say hello and she had taken complete control of it (much to Steven's dismay). He had to go outside to do his business and use the kitchen sink as a shower... But, he couldn't bare the thought of hearing her like this or seeing her the way she was. He glanced at his phone, noticing his screen was still black.

Connie still hasn't responded to him.

His chest feeling heavy, Steven took a breath. If he's going to start fixing things, he going to start with Peridot. As if he didn't mess up already with Connie and The Ex-Mayor of Beach City enough..

"Come on, I'll talk to Peridot..." He said to Pumpkin, a small smile spreading on his face.

Pumpkin whined softly and got off his lap. The boy got up and followed her down the steps and towards the bathroom. The soft cries only got louder and the pit in Steven's stomach only glew. Steven knocked gently on the door.

"Hey, Peridot...?" He asked. "Peridot...?"

He slowly opened the door, revealing the room looked dull and not to mention, messy. The bath mat was rested on the toilet seat rim and Peridot's bed sheets were halfway out the bath tub she slept in. In the middle of the room, sat a broken Peridot, sobbing softly into her arms. Across from her was his toothbrush, completely snapped in two. Steven's eyes widened a little and he quickly went over to her.

"P-Peridot... Hey..." He said. "A-Are you.. Okay-"

Suddenly, Peridot's head rose sharply. "NO, I'M NOT OKAY!"

Steven flinched at this sudden anger of her's. "P-Peridot, I'm-"

"SHE'S GONE, STEVEN! NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY, NO MATTER HOW HARD I THINK, SHE'S NEVER COMING BACK. IT'S ALL MY FAULT! IF I SAID YES, I COULD STILL BE WITH HER! YOU CAN STILL BE WITH HER. SHE'S WOULDN'T BE ALONE SOMEHWERE OUT THERE WITH MY MEEP-MORPS, MY ALIEN, MY EVERYTHING!" Peridot screamed, her tears streaming even further. "IF YOU REALLY THINK THAT EVERYTHING IS OKAY, IT ISN'T! SO DON'T TELL ME EVERYTHING IS FINE BECAUSE IT ISN'T! It... I-It's not..." Peridot broke down again, hiding her face once again in her arms. "She's never coming back... Never..."

Steven stared at her, his eyes glinting in sorrow. He's never seen her in such a state before. He didn't know what to do...! He glanced over at his broken toothbrush and grabbed it, blinking at the broken parts. It was a mechanical toothbrush and Steven's eyes immediately lit up. He looked at Peridot and attempted to try and cheer her up.

"H-Hey.. Peridot, look."

Peridot glanced up, her face completely flushed and her arms soaked with her tears. Her crying calmed a little as her attention was now on his toothbrush.

"O-Oh... T-That... I-I'm really sorry... I-I can fix it for you..." She said, her voice slurring.

Steven nodded. "It's fine, see?"

He snapped the brush piece into the bottom piece and snapped completely in. He gestured to it and pressed the button, the brush hissing to life and cleaning at nothing. "Ta-Da!"

The gem blinked wearily at it. "Oh... You already fixed it..."

"Yeah! You just snapped the two back together and-" Steven watched with dismay as Peridot got up and slugged over to the bathtub, crawling and laying in it.

"Guess you don't need me anymore..." She mumbled into the sheets before she went quiet.

Steven sighed. He messed up yet again, didn't he..? He got up and put the toothbrush in it's holder, glancing back at Peridot. She didn't move, just laid there in everlasting sorrow. He bit the inside of his cheek for a moment before he spoke.

"Hey... If you ever need to talk to me... Y-You know where to find me... Okay...?" He asked her.

Peridot's head moved and Steven felt his self esteem being stabbed through like an arrow shooting through an apple. She was glaring at her, her pupils small and peircing, her tears drying against her flushed face.

"Go away..." She hissed. "Leave me alone..."

Then, her face fell into the sheets again and Steven quickly left the room to leave her be, Pumpkin hot on his heels. Peridot lifted her hand slowly, pointing it towards the light switch. With a flick, darkness fell and the gem laid there in the darkness, being eaten away by her own self pity.

* * *

"Peridot was pissed off?!" Amethyst asked, a bag of chips in her hand as she stared at Steven in amazement. "Did she hurt you or anything?"

The boy only shook his head. "N-No... But it was scary..."

Pumpkin agreed with him and snuggled in his lap. The three of them were out on the steps of the house, overlooking the vast sea. It was evening and the sun began to set, casting the land and sea with a bold orange.

"I-I've never seen her so angry before..." Steven mumbled. "I-I just had to leave quickly...! Before she would hurt me or something, l-like you said..." He sighed. "I know she isn't like that to hurt anyone... But..."

Amethyst shrugged. "I don't know Steven... But... if you, Pearl or Garnet left suddenly like that, I would be pretty upset too!"

"Were you guys like that when... Mom left?"

Amethyst glanced at him, her eyes widened. "U-Umm.. Well..." She calmed herself. "Kind of...? But.. How angry are we talking about here, Steven?"

"W-well, she glared at me but it wasn't just a glare you are annoyed or something. I-It was almost like... She wanted to hurt me! Or even worse then that! J-Just like how the Diamonds were when I was put on the trail!" Steven tried to explain, fumbling over his words. How can he explain what he just saw?! It was anger yet it was that times one hundred!

Amethyst was just as concerned. "Holy smokes..."

He nodded. "Yeah... I-I'm sure she'll be fine, everyone has those days, don't they?"

"I-I guess so..."

Steven glanced at his phone. Still no texts from Connie. He sighed, even more defeated. He placed the phone in his pocket and gave Pumpkin a pat.

"Anything from Connie...?" Amethyst asked.

"No..."

Amethyst sighed. "It seems like everyone is distancing themselves, aren't they?"

Steven glanced up at the vast ocean, taking in the view. He then looked up at the sky, watching the big, puffy clouds go by. He wondered where Lapis could have gone...? Did she go to Homeworld? Did she go to some cool planet? Was she actually going to the Diamonds and telling them about Earth, about him and Peridot? Are they coming to envade them? He could hope this wasn't the case and he nodded.

"Yeah..."


	3. Bargaining

The barn lost another strip of wood, the wooden plank sailing away into the vastness of space. Lapis looked over her shoulder to watch it go, her irritation at this structure only grew.

She didn't know how long she's been journeying, all she knew was that she needed to avoid Homeworld at all costs. If Homeworld found her then... The blue gem shivered at the thought of what Homeworld would do to her, she already tried to go back once but hesitated. She can only try and move on.

The barn wasn't looking it's best. Some wooden planks were missing, leaving spots of bare nothingness in random places. Everything inside was floating, the organization of the meep morps was all ruined. Lapis internally reminded herself to try and fix it when she hits landfall at wherever.

Her arms strained to hold up the massive structure, reminding her so much of the fight against Jasper when she was in the ocean. It still felt like yesterday... Lapis's thoughts shifted to everyone on Earth. Steven, The Crystal Gems, and Peridot... Peridot. She felt the hole in her heart grow deeper at the thought of Peridot. How was she...? Was she okay..? Was Earth okay...? Was Pumpkin okay...? Was Steven okay...? Was... Everything okay?

Lapis stopped then, both her and the barn floating still. She looked back, taking note of how many planets she passed. Beyond all of them, she could still see the glow of Earth. Earth stared at her while she stared back. She wanted to go back. She wanted to put the barn back and pretend she never left. She wanted to plant again, she wanted to enjoy the Earth with Peridot again. She wanted to be with the other gems, learn from them, grow with them, learn fusion and learn how to fight, as Steven told her.

But she couldn't. She couldn't bare the thought of Homeworld taking over Earth, being brought back for questioning, possibly get shattered. She couldn't bare going back, to be purely hated. No matter what she did, no matter where she went, she was trapped.

Lapis was trapped.

The blue gem turned away and forced herself to move forward, a song bubbling from inside her.

 _I guess I'll have to face... That in this awful place... I shouldn't show a trace of doubt._

Another wooden plank flew off.

 _But pulled against the grain, I feel a little pain, that I would rather do without._

Her head rose a little higher, staring straight ahead.

 _I'd rather be free..._

 _Free..._

 _Free._

Tears began to form in her eyes. She began to remember her time on Earth. The flight with Steven, the home she built with Peridot which was slowly getting ruined... She couldn't bring it all back now. She made her choice. She left and abandoned them. She abandoned Earth. She abandoned Peridot and Steven. She abandoned everything she grew and helped create.

She abandoned everything on Earth.

 _I'd rather be free..._

 _Free..._

 _Free..._

"I'm sorry..." Lapis murmured, her tears beginning to fall. "I'm so.. sorry..."

 **From here.**

Peridot spotted the gems resting near the shoreline, the evening sun dappling the land in a calm orange. She fumbled with her hands. She hasn't been out of the house in a bit... She could use the fresh air. But even then... She glanced back towards the house, wanting to ever so crawl back into the bathroom, but she refused. She needed answers. She wanted to accept how things were but... How could she?

Why would Lapis leave like that?

To protect herself? Was Homeworld after her?!

The gem went over to them and sat, keeping a bit of distance from Garnet as she hugged her knees. Her head hurt. She wanted to understand and yet... _How could she?_

"Hello, Peridot."

Peridot flinched at Garnet's greeting and glanced up at her.

"H-Hello Garnet..."

Garnet smiled a bit as she looked at her. "Good to see you out and about~."

Peridot only nodded and looked away again. "Yeah. I guess...?" She was unsure. Was she "good" being out here? Or was that just a figure of speech? Her head was crammed with so many questions, Lapis being the main topic. Maybe... She could ask the others about this..? Her throat tightening, Peridot managed to open her mouth.

"I'm... Confused."

"About what...?"

"Well... Why Lapis left."

Garnet went quiet then. Peridot looked up at her. "She always mentioned something about being trapped in a mirror... What was all that about? Why did she hate you all?" Her voice sharply hissed at hate and now all the gems were staring at her. She could feel her face go warm as she tried to correct herself. "D-Disliked you guys! Not hate... Hate's a bit of a strong word-"Garnet rested a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay... You aren't wrong."

Amethyst piped up. "Yeah, she was a complete jerk." Pearl shushed her afterward.

Peridot could only curl up further. She was, wasn't she? She was bitter to Peridot when they met again, which she had every reason to be... Yet she changed. She changed alongside Peridot and the two built their own home and began to farm. Now... She was gone.

"She's still a complete jerk," Peridot mumbled. "Why would she just leave...?"

The gems all looked at each other then back at her. They were unsure what to say... They were shocked when Peridot came home with Steven, her bright gem now dulled. Steven has explained to them of Lapis's departure, which shocked Pearl and Amethyst more than anything and Garnet staying quiet. Garnet was wrapped in her own thoughts. She foresaw that something was going to happen and it would revolve around Peridot but what it was, she didn't know. Her visions have been fuzzy as of late and the fusion couldn't explain to herself (more like ruby and sapphire talking to one another) why this was. Was something catastrophic building up? Were the Diamonds going to invade Earth? Was one of the gems going to be shattered? She wasn't sure and she can only see so much... But she needed to focus on the present.

The fusion glanced at Peridot. "Did she take the barn with her?"

"Yes!" Peridot suddenly blurted out. "She took everything!"

"Maybe... She will be back..? I know how close you two are so maybe she's-" Pearl tried to reassure but Peridot's face only shriveled into anger.

"Maybe nothing! She took everything, the barn, my meep morps, my first bubbled gem, and didn't even say goodbye! She didn't even reward me for my honesty!" She sighed in frustration and took a deep breath. "Why?"

"Why would she leave..?"

Peridot nodded.

Garnet crossed her arms, lost in her own thoughts now. "Lapis has fallen on a few hardships... Has she told you about Jasper?"

Peridot nodded again. "Yeah... How can they stayed fused for so long?!"

"Fusion can take many forms, there are corrupted gems, fusions that are strong as Garnet here, and Malachite... The fact that Lapis held on for so long is astonishing, to say the least." Pearl said, her finger on her chin, she always gotten this look when she gets into her explanations. It annoyed Peridot a little. "But she also held a grudge against us for a while as well!"

"Yeah, because of the mirror."

Pearl made a face. "Yeah... That."

Lapis only told her about being trapped by the gems, that she was stuck for thousands of years. She was never told anything about why and how. Peridot knew about Jasper and her, how they were fused for so long and trapped in the ocean. Peridot never fused before and her story about Malachite didn't help gain her confidence about fusion as a whole. She was always so sensitive about fusion afterward, she despised the subject. About the mirror, however, she was only brief. She never understood about the mirror. It was only that she was trapped for thousands of years and that the gems kept her in that prison till Steven saved her.

"Why didn't you rescue her? She wanted to be free." Peridot's questions started to pour out then. "Why was she trapped? Who did it? Why didn't she like Earth? Why didn't she stay? Why didn't she reward me for my emotional honesty?! Didn't I mean anything to her?!"

"Peridot, We-"

Peridot stood up. "I hate that she's gone! I hate that the barn is gone! I hate that everything we worked hard for is gone! She's gone and she... didn't say goodbye..." The small gem clenched her fists and uttered out one final question that has been eating at her since day one of this ordeal. "Why?"

The gems looked at her now in worry and sadness. They had no idea what this felt like. None of them understood what having your best friend leaving you behind without any goodbyes felt like. None of them knew... Tears began to fall down Peridot's face, her vision blurring. "Why would she leave...? Did I do something wrong...?" Peridot mumbled, her hands covering her face.

"...Peridot... It wasn't your fault... It's Homeworld." She heard Garnet say and she felt herself being pulled into a hug, feeling Amethyst's soft familiar skin.

"Aww... P... She'll be back, I'm sure!" Amethyst said. "She'll come back and everything will be okay!"

She wanted to believe that. She wanted to believe that Lapis would come back, bring the barn back, and just say sorry. They could be happy again. They could plant again. They could go on adventures again. But... She couldn't. She couldn't believe it at all. With a heavy heart, she broke the hug and turned away, the moment Lapis leaving now stuck in her mind.

 **"I'm not going to get caught up in another war..."**

 **The blue gem didn't look back to Peridot as she stepped towards the barn, her wings sprouting from her gem as water surrounded the barn. The barn was pulled from the ground, Peridot yelling for her.**

 **"Wait! No!" She watched as the tire hanging on the side of the barn fell. "You're supposed to award me for my emotional honesty!"**

 **Lapis raised the barn higher, the structure hovering high above, water flowing around it in a ring-type format. Peridot watched as she looked down at her and Steven, hesitating for a moment. Peridot's mind screamed. It only screamed harder as Lapis flew off, taking the barn and everything with her. The only thing left was the massive hole in the ground and Peridot only watched her go, her heart shattering, her memories shattering.**

 **"...Come on... Let's go."**

"...Who trapped her in the mirror." She asked. She didn't look at them.

"Homeworld did... I-I found it and I-" Pearl started. "S-She didn't... Tell you-"

"Why did you keep her trapped?" Peridot looked over at her. "Why keep her trapped in that mirror when she could have been freed?"

Pearl then flinched and she could only bring her hands to her mouth, starting to slightly shake. She looked... Tormented. She wanted to speak and yet, she couldn't... Something was holding her back. Peridot only scoffed, knowing what this meant. She was ordered not to.

"You were ordered to not tell, did you?" She hissed.

Pearl didn't move. She only looked away, her shivering only growing worse.

"...You always were just a filthy Pearl..."

* * *

If she was going to find out about Lapis and the mirror, her next person to go to was Steven. Peridot opened the door to the house, looking around.

"Steven?" She called. No answer.

She hurried up the steps to his room. He wasn't there. She looked into the kitchen and groaned. Where was he?! Now wasn't the good time for him to be gone! She went back outside and demanded to know where Steven was.

"He's out with Connie!" Amethyst said and got up. "Want me to go with you?"

Peridot agreed, ignoring Garnet and Pearl. The two ventured out to Beach City, Amethyst trying to talk to Peridot the whole way. Peridot's only goal was to find Steven to find out the truth. She snapped at Amethyst for Garnet and Pearl hiding something, something she knew would have been vital. Amethyst went quiet after that. The first place they went to was The Donut Shop, which she demanded to Sadie at where the two were.

"Oh... Steven and Connie did buy donuts here. They said they would be at the amusement park!" She answered. Peridot went there next, Amethyst lagging behind, surprised by this new determination. Peridot ignored the screams of the humans, the screeching of the amusement park rides and the shouts of Amethyst telling her to wait up. She squirmed past the crowds of people, her eyes scanning for the familiar pink shirt and puffed up hair. Finally, she saw them.

Connie laughed with Steven as they exited off a ride, Lion sluggishly getting up. Peridot ran up to them, stopped, and yelled. "STEVEN!"

Steven blinked in surprise at Peridot's yell but he smiled wide nonetheless. "Oh! Hey Peridot! You here to hang out with us?"

Peridot ignored his friendly greeting. "What did Lapis tell you about the mirror?!"

"W-What?"

"What did. Lapis tell you. About the mirror."

Steven made a frown. "Peridot...?"

"Garnet and Pearl won't tell me anything! Their hiding something and I don't know what it is!" Peridot's anger only grew. "What happened to Lapis and the mirror?! Who trapped her?! Why won't they tell me anything?!"

Steven held a hand up. "Okay. Okay... I'll tell you once we're out of the park." He glances at Connie. "You don't mind, do you?"

Connie shook her head. "Fine by me? I could use some rest after all the rides we went on!"

Lion also agreed, opening his mouth and letting out a huge yawn. The group left the park, Steven and Connie laughing as they exited. The two had a great time but internally, Steven was worried about Peridot. His worriedness for her only grew when she found them back there. She was ahead of the group, her arms jutted downwards at her sides. She didn't stop or look back at them and didn't even start talking. She was silent, a fierce bitterness in her eyes. They moved back towards the temple. It was night, the pale moon hovering above Beach City. They made it to the beach, in which Peridot stopped finally and turned. She sat.

"Alright. Tell me." She said, her voice monotoned.

Steven, Amethyst, and Connie sat, forming a row, with Lion simply laying down.

"Well... She brought me to a remote place..." Steven began. "She began to act funny and..." He got the better of himself. "Peridot, what happened?"

Peridot glared away. "Just... Tell me."

Steven frowned but then took a deep breath. He began his explanation, explaining that Lapis was caught in the war, was poofed (by what gem, he didn't know) and was trapped in the familiar mirror and brought back for questioning. The gems thought she was a rebel and they questioned her non-stop. He mentioned of the bright light and how many years later, she was found. Peridot listened intently, taking note of the war and the bright light. So.. Lapis was caught in the great gem war? She was caught in the bright light that wiped out all gem life? No wonder she hated the gems and Homeworld... She let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry..." She said and pulled her knees up. "I'm sorry for yelling at you..."

"It's okay Peridot... It's just..." He sighed. "Pearl and Garnet... Don't tell me much either."

Connie rested a hand on Steven's shoulder. "They will someday...? Maybe... You're too young?"

He shrugged. "I don't know..."

Peridot glanced at him. "Because your Rose Quartz...?"

He only nodded. "Yeah. Both of those."

Peridot then looked up at the sky. Stars twinkled down at her and she stared past them, noticing the constellation of Homeworld. She realized this night... That maybe... Lapis wasn't going to come back.


	4. Depression

Peridot didn't feel anything. She didn't feel happy or sad. She only stared up at the ceiling, her gem dull. She has finally learned the truth about Lapis and she came to the conclusion that maybe Lapis wasn't going to come back. Lapis hated Homeworld and the Gems, even after everything that she did with them, she abandoned them. Peridot guessed she had every reason to leave but a part of her wanted to go back and fix this. She should have gone with her, she should have been happy with her new life... Wherever they went. She wondered... Where she was now.

She moved a bit, her body aching from the position she held. She needed noise. She struggled to get up, her legs straining as she sat up fully. Going to the tub, she picked up her tablet and began to browse. She tapped into the music session, a list of music choices displayed. She saw loads of pictures, mainly of people striking poses with their instruments or doing various poses by themselves. It entertained her, reminding her of the Pearls of Homeworld. The Pearls all followed their master's orders, reminding her heavily of Pearl from here. She remembered how Pearl covered her mouth, the pain in her eyes. She wanted to speak... but she couldn't. The chance could have been that she was ordered to and by who else? Peridot began to ponder this as she browsed through the music, listening to the various genres. Who would order her not to tell..? Her first thought was Rose Quartz, which seemed to be reasonable, she was the leader of the rebels so obviously, she did and said some things she shouldn't.

Peridot suddenly flinched at this loud noise emanating from her tablet, a bass of some kind straining her ears. Quickly, she changed it to some country music. It was a wonky tune of some kind and her depression began to churn within Peridot once again. She sighed. What was the point in figuring this stuff out...? There wasn't any point to look into Rose Quartz. She was gone. Just like Lapis.

She crawled back into the tub, the coldness of her blanket greeting her. She laid there then, staring up at the ceiling once again.

Peridot didn't feel anything. She didn't feel happy or sad. And the music only drowned her further and further into the depths.

* * *

 **((heck this chapter is so short but from this point on, the episode Back To The Kindergarten continues this point forward! dont worry, the fic isnt over yet! just a (very short) chapter involving the chapter's name, depression ;w;/**


	5. Acceptance

Steven, Amethyst, and Peridot all hopped off the train. The sun grew lower, dipping into the ocean beyond.

Peridot felt a weight being lifted off her shoulders. Sure, today was the bummer, but she felt at peace. The three of them headed to the Prime Kindergarten to try and grow plants there but learned that no life can grow there and were ambushed by a corruted gem. She guessed the plant life was beautiful but it wasn't the same as back in the barn. In the back of her mind, Lapis lingered. But... She didn't feel sad anymore. She didn't feel the need curl up and fade away. She had her friends and Pumpkin. And she still had her crops back where the barn was.

"Yo, P!" Amethyst said, shaking Peridot from her thoughts. "How about we plant where the barn was? I'm sure the crops need to be taken care of or we can plant new stuff!"

Peridot fumbled with her hands. Did she really want to go back there...?

Steven shook his head. "I would love to join you guys but... Me and Connie are going on a mission tomorrow!"

"A mission? What kind of mission?" Amethyst looked at him. "Are you going to hunt corrupted gems?!"

"No... It's something bigger then that."

"What's that?"

"We're going to look for Lars."

Peridot fell into her thoughts again, the conversation between Steven and Amethyst draining out. How was Lapis doing anyway...? She stopped and glanced up at the sky, the orange turning into blues and

pinks, stars beginning to show themselves. She wondered where Lapis was, if the barn was okay, if all their meep morps were okay... She hoped Lapis was happy, wherever she was.

"...Hey! Peridot!"

Peridot was shook from her thoughts yet again and looked to the others. Amethyst was waving for her.

"Come on! Garnet and Pearl might be wondering where we are!" She called.

"Oh... I'm coming!" Peridot replied, hurrying back to them. Her gem glowed a little, just a little, in the slowly dropping sun.


End file.
